英検準一級試験やTEAP試験での「英語長文英語要約問題」に不慣れな受験生はいませんか？
英検準一級試験やTEAP試験での「英語長文英語要約問題」に不慣れな受験生はいませんか？
ここで、私の添削例をお見せしていきましょう。
実際はこの文字で書かれているところを、すべて動画にしていますので、生徒はYouTubeでそれを見て、学習することが出来るのです。
それでは今回の、実際の問題と添削事例をご紹介いたしましょう。
目次
問題（問題文も英語です）
Your teacher has asked you to write an essay for class using the information below. Describe the situation concerning the Sacke Township Festival and summarize the main points about the solutions that have been suggested. In your conclusion, say which of the solutions you think would work the best based on the reasons given. You should write about 200 words.
Sacke Township News (Evening Edition)
The recently-ended Sacke Township Festival 2015 has been judged to be a big success, attracting over 140,000 people. Next year, local authorities hope the festival attendees can reach at least 170,000. Mayor Edward Jackson commented that a larger festival would bring many benefits to the township: not only more local participants at the event, but an improved image of the city and a greater appeal to tourists.
Mayor Jackson said that one way to increase attendance at the festival would be to relocate the event to a central area, such as the business district. At present, it is on the far western side of the township, which is not easily accessible to those on the eastern side. The township should be able to lease space at one of the many convention centers in the business district at a reasonable cost.
He said that another possible way for the festival to increase the number of visitors would be to hold it over a longer period. The festival currently goes on for only 3 days, including only one weekend. Mayor Jackson said that it should be held over at least 9 days, and include two weekends. This could at least double the number of visitors that attend.
LETTER TO THE EDITOR Dear Editor,
I had a chance to participate in the Sacke Township Festival this year, and I found it very exciting. I think that it would be even better if we could get more people to attend in the future, because the fair really builds a sense of excitement throughout the township. Most of all, it’s a rare chance to sample new foods and enjoy art in one day!
I know that the township is looking for ways to increase visitor attendance, and I think we should focus more on improving the Music Festival to reach that target. A good way to satisfy more visitors would be to increase the number of music performances. Most of the current performances are rock or pop music. I would like to see additional music genres, such as jazz, classical and folk music. The fair should offer visitors varied and sophisticated musical options, to attract a broader audience.
Another way to improve the festival would be to hold more special events inside the fair. For example, it could host music lessons or musical instrument demonstrations.
This could draw in many new visitors who are curious about the festival- especially those who have not attended before. I hope our township can really make the festival bigger and better next year!
Sincerely,
Lena Kowalski
答案と添削
以下、この問題を解いた生徒の答案です。
In 2015, four sacke Township Festival were held, art festival, music festival, food festival and book festival. Food festival and music festival attracted about 60,000 people. Also, art festival and book festival attracted about 10.000 people. There were so many people to go to the music festival, but half of the entire people were satisfied. Edward Jackson, city mayor, says the hopes the festivals will attract more people not only local but also living in foreign countries. First, he suggests that the festivals should be held in a central area, such as business districts. This year, the festivals were held in western side of the city so some local people couldn’t go easily. Then, he suggests the period of the festivals should be longer and include two weekends. Lena Kowalski, citizen, says the music festival should be improved, because of low satisfaction level. One example is to add new music genres, such as jazz and classical music to present music performance. Additionally, she suggests to hold music lessons and musical instrument demonstrations. For my part, I prefer Edward Jackson’s idea over Lena Kowalski’s idea. This is because the location and period can be changed easily. In addition, if more foreign people come to the festivals, the city can show their big charm to the world.
添削開始
まずは修正後の文章です。
In 2015, four Sacke Township Festivals were held: the art festival, music festival, food festival, and book festival. The food festival and music festival each attracted about 60,000 people. In contrast, the art festival and book festival attracted about 10,000 people each. Despite the high attendance at the music festival, only half of the attendees were satisfied.
Mayor Edward Jackson hopes the festivals will attract more people, not only locals but also those from foreign countries. He first suggests relocating the festivals to a central area, such as the business district. This year, the festivals were held on the western side of the city, making it difficult for some locals to attend. He also suggests extending the festival duration to at least nine days, including two weekends.
Lena Kowalski, a local resident, believes the music festival should be improved due to the low satisfaction levels. She suggests adding new music genres, such as jazz and classical music, to the current performances. Additionally, she proposes holding music lessons and musical instrument demonstrations to attract more visitors.
In my opinion, I prefer Mayor Edward Jackson’s ideas over Lena Kowalski’s. The location and duration changes are easier to implement and could attract more visitors. Moreover, if more foreign tourists attend the festivals, the city can showcase its charm to a wider audience.
具体的な指摘と理由
まずは生徒の答案そのものを修正していきましょう。
答案修正
- 元の文: “In 2015, four sacke Township Festival were held, art festival, music festival, food festival and book festival.”
修正後: “In 2015, four Sacke Township Festivals were held: the art festival, music festival, food festival, and book festival.”
理由: “sacke” は固有名詞であるため、”Sacke” と大文字にします。また、”Festival” は複数形の “Festivals” に変更します。”were held” の前にコロンを入れて箇条書きにしました。
- 元の文: “Food festival and music festival attracted about 60,000 people.”
修正後: “The food festival and music festival each attracted about 60,000 people.”
理由: “Food festival” と “music festival” に定冠詞 “the” を追加し、”each” を加えて文を明確にしました。
- 元の文: “Also, art festival and book festival attracted about 10.000 people.”
修正後: “In contrast, the art festival and book festival attracted about 10,000 people each.”
理由: “Also” を “In contrast” に変更し、対比を明確にしました。また、”each” を加えて文を自然にしました。”10.000” はカンマがピリオドにしか見えないので減点されます。よって “10,000” に訂正しました。
- 元の文: “There were so many people to go to the music festival, but half of the entire people were satisfied.”
修正後: “Despite the high attendance at the music festival, only half of the attendees were satisfied.”
理由: “There were so many people to go to” は不自然なので、”Despite the high attendance at the music festival” に変更しました。”half of the entire people” は “half of the attendees” に変更し、簡潔にしました。
- 元の文: “Edward Jackson, city mayor, says the hopes the festivals will attract more people not only local but also living in foreign countries.”
修正後: “Mayor Edward Jackson hopes the festivals will attract more people, not only locals but also those from foreign countries.”
理由: “city mayor” は “Mayor” に変更し、”says the hopes” は “hopes” に変更して文を簡潔にしました。”not only local but also living in foreign countries” は “not only locals but also those from foreign countries” に変更しました。
- 元の文: “First, he suggests that the festivals should be held in a central area, such as business districts.”
修正後: “He first suggests relocating the festivals to a central area, such as the business district.”
理由: “First” を文の先頭から動詞の前に移動し、”relocating” に変更して自然な表現にしました。”business districts” は単数形の “the business district” に変更しました。
- 元の文: “This year, the festivals were held in western side of the city so some local people couldn’t go easily.”
修正後: “This year, the festivals were held on the western side of the city, making it difficult for some locals to attend.”
理由: “in western side” は “on the western side” に変更し、”so some local people couldn’t go easily” は “making it difficult for some locals to attend” に変更して文を自然にしました。
- 元の文: “Then, he suggests the period of the festivals should be longer and include two weekends.”
修正後: “He also suggests extending the festival duration to at least nine days, including two weekends.”
理由: “Then” を “He also suggests” に変更し、”the period of the festivals should be longer” を “extending the festival duration to at least nine days” に変更しました。
- 元の文: “Lena Kowalski, citizen, says the music festival should be improved, because of low satisfaction level.”
修正後: “Lena Kowalski, a local resident, believes the music festival should be improved due to the low satisfaction levels.”
理由: “citizen” は “a local resident” に変更し、”says” は “believes” に変更しました。”because of low satisfaction level” は “due to the low satisfaction levels” に変更しました。
- 元の文: “One example is to add new music genres, such as jazz and classical music to present music performance.”
修正後: “She suggests adding new music genres, such as jazz and classical music, to the current performances.”
理由: “One example is to add” は “She suggests adding” に変更し、”present music performance” は “current performances” に変更しました。
- 元の文: “Additionally, she suggests to hold music lessons and musical instrument demonstrations.”
修正後: “Additionally, she proposes holding music lessons and musical instrument demonstrations.”
理由: “suggests to hold” は不自然なので、”proposes holding” に変更しました。
- 元の文: “For my part, I prefer Edward Jackson’s idea over Lena Kowalski’s idea.”
修正後: “In my opinion, I prefer Mayor Edward Jackson’s ideas over Lena Kowalski’s.”
理由: “For my part” は “In my opinion” に変更し、”idea” は “ideas” に変更しました。
- 元の文: “This is because the location and period can be changed easily.”
修正後: “The location and duration changes are easier to implement and could attract more visitors.”
理由: “This is because” は “The location and duration changes are” に変更し、”period” を “duration” に変更しました。
- 元の文: “In addition, if more foreign people come to the festivals, the city can show their big charm to the world.”
修正後: “Moreover, if more foreign tourists attend the festivals, the city can showcase its charm to a wider audience.”
理由: “In addition” は “Moreover” に変更し、”foreign people” は “foreign tourists” に変更しました。”show their big charm” は “showcase its charm” に変更し、”to the world” は “to a wider audience” に変更しました。
以上が、文法のミスや不自然な表現の具体的な指摘と修正内容になります。
さらに流暢で自然な英語へ
さらに流暢で自然な英語にしたのが、以下の文章です。
流暢な英語
In 2015, Sacke Township hosted four festivals: the art festival, music festival, food festival, and book festival. The food and music festivals were particularly popular, each drawing around 60,000 attendees. In contrast, the art and book festivals attracted about 10,000 people each. Despite the large turnout for the music festival, only half of the attendees were satisfied.
Mayor Edward Jackson aims to attract more visitors to future festivals, including international tourists. He suggests relocating the festivals to a more central location, such as the business district. Currently, the festivals are held on the city’s western side, which is less accessible for some residents. Additionally, he proposes extending the festival duration to at least nine days, spanning two weekends, to increase attendance.
Local resident Lena Kowalski believes that improving the music festival is key to boosting satisfaction. She recommends diversifying the music genres to include jazz, classical, and folk music, alongside the current rock and pop performances. She also suggests offering music lessons and musical instrument demonstrations to draw in more visitors.
In conclusion, I support Mayor Jackson’s proposals over Kowalski’s. Changing the location and extending the duration of the festivals are practical steps that can be easily implemented to attract more visitors. Moreover, increasing international attendance would help showcase the city’s unique charm to a broader audience.
具体的な理由
- 元の文: “In 2015, four Sacke Township Festivals were held: the art festival, music festival, food festival, and book festival.”
修正後: “In 2015, Sacke Township hosted four festivals: the art festival, music festival, food festival, and book festival.”
理由: “Sacke Township hosted” とすることで、文がより自然になり、主体が明確になります。
- 元の文: “The food festival and music festival each attracted about 60,000 people.”
修正後: “The food and music festivals were particularly popular, each drawing around 60,000 attendees.”
理由: “were particularly popular” を追加して人気度を強調し、”drawing” を使用することで文が流れるようにしました。”attendees” という単語もより適切です。
- 元の文: “In contrast, the art festival and book festival attracted about 10,000 people each.”
修正後: “In contrast, the art and book festivals attracted about 10,000 people each.”
理由: “the art and book festivals” とすることで一貫性を持たせ、文を簡潔にしました。
- 元の文: “Despite the high attendance at the music festival, only half of the attendees were satisfied.”
修正後: “Despite the large turnout for the music festival, only half of the attendees were satisfied.”
理由: “large turnout” という表現を使用することで、参加者の数が多いことを強調しました。
- 元の文: “Mayor Edward Jackson hopes the festivals will attract more people, not only locals but also those from foreign countries.”
修正後: “Mayor Edward Jackson aims to attract more visitors to future festivals, including international tourists.”
理由: “aims to attract” とすることで、目標が明確になり、”including international tourists” に変更することで、より自然な表現になります。
- 元の文: “He first suggests relocating the festivals to a central area, such as the business district.”
修正後: “He suggests relocating the festivals to a more central location, such as the business district.”
理由: “first” を削除し、”a more central location” とすることで、文が簡潔で明確になります。
- 元の文: “This year, the festivals were held on the western side of the city, making it difficult for some locals to attend.”
修正後: “Currently, the festivals are held on the city’s western side, which is less accessible for some residents.”
理由: “This year” を “Currently” に変更し、現在の状況を強調しました。”making it difficult for some locals to attend” を “which is less accessible for some residents” に変更して、より自然な表現にしました。
- 元の文: “He also suggests extending the festival duration to at least nine days, including two weekends.”
修正後: “Additionally, he proposes extending the festival duration to at least nine days, spanning two weekends, to increase attendance.”
理由: “He also suggests” を “Additionally, he proposes” に変更し、”spanning two weekends” を追加して文をより詳細にしました。”to increase attendance” を追加して提案の目的を明確にしました。
- 元の文: “Lena Kowalski, a local resident, believes the music festival should be improved due to the low satisfaction levels.”
修正後: “Local resident Lena Kowalski believes that improving the music festival is key to boosting satisfaction.”
理由: “a local resident” を “Local resident” に変更し、”believes that improving the music festival is key to boosting satisfaction” とすることで、文がより簡潔で明確になります。
- 元の文: “She suggests adding new music genres, such as jazz and classical music, to the current performances.”
修正後: “She recommends diversifying the music genres to include jazz, classical, and folk music, alongside the current rock and pop performances.”
理由: “suggests adding” を “recommends diversifying” に変更し、”alongside the current rock and pop performances” を追加して文を詳細にしました。
- 元の文: “Additionally, she proposes holding music lessons and musical instrument demonstrations to attract more visitors.”
修正後: “She also suggests offering music lessons and musical instrument demonstrations to draw in more visitors.”
理由: “Additionally, she proposes” を “She also suggests” に変更し、”offering” に変更することで自然な表現にしました。”to draw in more visitors” に変更して、より簡潔にしました。
- 元の文: “In my opinion, I prefer Mayor Edward Jackson’s ideas over Lena Kowalski’s.”
修正後: “In conclusion, I support Mayor Jackson’s proposals over Kowalski’s.”
理由: “In my opinion” を “In conclusion” に変更し、文を締めくくる表現にしました。”support” に変更して、より強い支持を表現しました。
- 元の文: “The location and duration changes are easier to implement and could attract more visitors.”
修正後: “Changing the location and extending the duration of the festivals are practical steps that can be easily implemented to attract more visitors.”
理由: “The location and duration changes” を “Changing the location and extending the duration of the festivals” に変更し、より具体的な表現にしました。
- 元の文: “Moreover, if more foreign people come to the festivals, the city can show their big charm to the world.”
修正後: “Moreover, increasing international attendance would help showcase the city’s unique charm to a broader audience.”
理由: “if more foreign people come to the festivals” を “increasing international attendance” に変更し、文を簡潔にしました。”show their big charm to the world” を “showcase the city’s unique charm to a broader audience” に変更し、自然な表現にしました。
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